Episode 8: A Relationship Without Legs
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ANNOUNCER: Around Australia on the AusEtherial network, and across the world online, this is Supernatural Sexuality with Doctor Seabrooke!
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SEABROOKE: Hello everyone, welcome back to Supernatural Sexuality! I’m your host, Dr Olivia Seabrooke. Join me tonight as I take calls from listeners like you, who have questions about their relationships or sexualities. Remember, if you need help, or need to talk, you can call us around Australia for free on 1800 975 711, or internationally via our Geistline service, at SeabrookeOnAir.
I’ve been getting lots of emails from a lot of people out there! More than I can possibly answer! There’s been a lot of praise, and more than a few questions. I’ve been working on getting through a lot but there’s just too many! You’re still welcome to send your questions and comments through to the station, I love receiving them, although just be aware that I might not get to answer all your questions from hereon in.
With that out of the way, I think it’s time to take some calls! Let’s get started, this is Dr Seabrooke, you’re on the air.
HOLLY: Hi Dr Seabrooke? My name is Holly, I just wanted to say I love your show! I’m so happy to be speaking to you!
SEABROOKE: Thanks so much, Holly, and thank you for calling in today.
HOLLY: Now see like, the thing is. I’ve been seeing someone new, and they’re a hidden fae. My grandmother had the sight, and I do as well, so obviously I can see Victoria.
SEABROOKE: Victoria, is she your partner?
HOLLY: Yes, exactly. But what really upsets me lately is that none of my friends can see Victoria, so whenever we all hang out it’s a weird tension, they don’t know how to talk to each other. I’m just like really worried that one day I’ll have to choose between my friends and Victoria, and I don’t want to do that. I really like them, and of course I love my friends. I want to be able to like, hang out with everyone at the same time.
SEABROOKE: So if you were to, let's say, go to coffee with Victoria and a friend right now, how would that play out?
HOLLY: Well I guess I would make sure my friends knew which seat Victoria was sitting in. And then usually what happens is, unless the waiter has the sight, I’ll order for me and Victoria, and then we’ll all get talking. But when I say talking, I mean like Victoria will talk to me, and my friends will talk to me, but they won’t talk to each other. I’ve tried to like tell them I can be an interpreter or something, but it gets awkward and then everyone just lapses back into talking to just me.
SEABROOKE: Mmm, I can see the problem, this sounds incredibly frustrating.
HOLLY: It is! I just wish they knew how important it was to me that we can all get along.
SEABROOKE: Have you told everyone how you feel?
HOLLY: I mean, a bit, I don't want to inconvenience anyone. I don’t know if they really understand it.
SEABROOKE: Hm. It sounds like you need to explain how important it is to your friends and Victoria that they get along. After explaining all this, I would suggest going out to get a coffee together, and perhaps using a group chat to talk to each other. See how that goes. Then perhaps you can see how chatting in person with you as an interpreter goes, and perhaps you can try and facilitate a bit more of the conversation, bring things up that they have in common, maybe some pop culture that they both like. Maybe Victoria could even use a text-to-speech program, so that your friends can hear them. How does that sound?
HOLLY: This sounds really great, Dr Seabrooke. Thank you so much, and thank you for taking the time to speak with me!
SEABROOKE: You’re welcome Holly, thanks for calling.
Sometimes it can be difficult to find ways of bringing our partners into the rest of our lives, but if it’s important to you, there are always ways and means to build that connection. There’s always some way to bridge the gap.
Let’s move on to our next caller, you’re on the air, go ahead.
LUNA: Hi, Dr Seabrooke, I'm Luna, It’s really cool to get to talk to you. I’m a big fan of the show, and I’m really hoping you can help me.
SEABROOKE: That’s what I’m here to try to do. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself.
LUNA: Okay, well, I’m a mermaid and I guess I’m about, uh, twenty-eight in human years? My boyfriend’s a human wizard, and he’s thirty-five. We’ve lived together for two years now.
SEABROOKE: On land, or underwater?
LUNA: On land. I use a wheelchair to get around. Being up here seems simpler than messing around with the magic that he’d need to sustain to have gills, and I’ve always liked being on land anyway. The problem is that we’ve been arguing a lot lately, because he met this witch through work who specialises in transformation magic on merfolk. He’d never heard of it before, but now he won’t stop talking about it. I guess that you’ve heard of it?
SEABROOKE: I have, yes. The tail is reformed into functional human legs. My understanding is that the side effects can be quite serious, however.
LUNA: Yeah, they’re really hardcore. My boyfriend persuaded me to have a consultation with this witch, and she said in my case that the side effect would be that I’d lose my voice in the procedure. I said I didn’t want to get it, in that case. Now my boyfriend and I keep fighting about it, and it’s awful.
SEABROOKE: I’m sorry you’re going through this. Do you know why your boyfriend feels so strongly about you getting this transformation?
LUNA: He says that I don’t want to commit to him, that if I did then I’d do it. I came to live with him on land! We have a joint bank account! I think that’s pretty committed, but he doesn’t agree.
SEABROOKE: It is. I absolutely agree with you. Such a significant transformation would have an impact on the physical dynamic between the two of you. Have you talked about that? Has it come up in your arguments at all?
LUNA: I mean, he doesn’t like the wheelchair that much, but it’s not like he’s an asshole about it or anything. I wondered if it was because I’d have, you know, more compatible equipment, but I don’t think so. We’ve always had a really great sex life, and... well, okay, I don’t know if this is relevant, but a few years ago I was a siren, luring sailors into crashing their boats on reefs by singing to them and then dragging them down into the underwater kingdom for unholy debauchery and stuff. So out of the two of us, I’m more experienced, a lot more. I don’t know whether that’s got anything to do with how he’s pushing for this, if he feels like we’d be on more even ground, so to speak, if I had to learn how to make my body feel good all over again.
SEABROOKE: I think that’s absolutely relevant. Your voice is intrinsically tied to your sexuality and your sexual history prior to your current partner. Even if he isn’t consciously aware of the connection, it may well be a strong part of his motivations for pushing for this, especially since he seems to feel that it would demonstrate your commitment to him.
LUNA: But I don’t want to change myself so drastically just to prove that I love him, or whatever he’s looking for out of this. We’re monogamous and I came to live on land to be near him, that should be enough!
SEABROOKE: I absolutely agree with you. This would be something that happens to your body, and you have no obligation at all to change yourself to fit someone else’s desires. I also feel that even if you did opt for the transformation, it wouldn’t necessarily resolve any of the underlying reasons your boyfriend is so adamant about you agreeing to it. Whether I'm right about my speculation on his motivations, or if it’s something else entirely going on, I'd strongly recommend that the two of you look into couples therapy, so you can discuss the perspectives each of you have on this situation with a neutral party present.
LUNA: He won’t want to do that. He hates stuff like that.
SEABROOKE: Maybe so. But you clearly hate the idea of this transformation, which is a lot more radical and permanent than speaking to a counsellor. If he outright refuses, I suggest you see a counsellor on your own, to help you maintain your identity integrity, to help you when you’re pressured to change yourself.
LUNA: Hm.
SEABROOKE: Also, I rarely engage with this program’s hashtag on Twitter, because I feel that’s a space for listeners to talk amongst themselves without feeling like they’re being supervised or monitored while they do so, but I do want to mention that since the beginning of our conversation the feed has been lighting up with allcaps comments telling you to ‘dump him’. I wouldn’t necessarily advocate for terminating a committed, cohabiting relationship as a first response to a conflict, but I do think this is a very serious issue and that, based on what you’ve told me, your partner isn’t engaging with your feelings and needs around this subject. It may be worth reevaluating what each of you hope for in the long term together. Could you try and do that?
LUNA: I’ll try. Thanks, Doctor.
SEABROOKE: Good luck, thanks for the call.
It’s not something I like to talk about, but it is worth remembering that it does take two people to make a relationship work. If you’re communicating, and the other person isn’t listening, and respecting what you need, that’s a serious thing. I believe that no difference is so severe that a relationship is impossible - we’re all people, we have that, at least, in common, but if one person is refusing to respect the other, that’s a serious relationship problem.
This is Supernatural Sexuality, I’m Doctor Seabrooke, we’ll be back with more after these messages.
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SEABROOKE: Welcome back to Supernatural Sexuality, I’m Doctor Seabrooke, we’re ready to help some more people tonight! Now, let’s get to our next caller, you’re on the air with Dr Seabrooke, go ahead.
ESTHER: Hey, uh, my name is Esther.
SEABROOKE: Hi Esther, tell me what’s brought you to my little old show today?
ESTHER: Well, I need help — ugh, duh, obviously I need help, or else I wouldn’t be here! Sorry, I’m already screwing this up.
SEABROOKE: There’s no need to apologize, you’re doing fine.
ESTHER: Okay. [takes a breath] My girlfriend, um, Sofie, hasn’t been manifesting a whole lot lately and just possesses stuff.
SEABROOKE: Sofie is a ghost?
ESTHER: Oh, uh, [laughs slightly] yeah. Yeah. Sorry.
SEABROOKE: Okay, and she has been choosing to possess objects in your house?
ESTHER: Yes! But she keeps jumping around, like she can’t decide what to possess. I’m at my wit’s end! This morning I spent ten minutes talking to the coffee machine before the Roomba rolled in and gave me a cheery “hey babe, how’d you sleep?” [sighs] I just want to sit next to my girlfriend and binge some shows and chat, you know?
SEABROOKE: Yes, I can understand why this would be stressing you out. Sounds a little like Sofie could be having trouble with committing to a single form. Has she had troubles with commitment in other areas?
ESTHER: Um, I guess. I mean, she is a ghost, so I’ve never really been sure how to approach stuff like “marriage” and “having a family”.
SEABROOKE: Hm. Do you have any idea how she feels about those topics?
ESTHER: I mean, yeah. We’re both looking to be in this for the long haul. I know that much. But talking about actually going about these things is... I don’t know how to bring it up with her.
SEABROOKE: But you want to?
ESTHER: Yeah, duh! I love her. I don’t care what anyone thinks about post-death marriage or whatever. I want to spend my life with her. [SFX: phone clicks, crackles] And she’s totally been possessing the phone this whole time. Hey babe.
SOFIE: Hey Babe. Sorry about the eavesdropping, I didn’t realize you needed the phone until it was a little too late, ha. Apologies to you too, Doc.
SEABROOKE: I’d like to say it’s not a problem, but it actually is. I’m not a fan of having a partner eavesdrop on someone I’m talking with. This is quite a breach of privacy.
SOFIE: You... you’re right. Absolutely. Me feeling awkward shouldn’t override Esther’s needs. I think I’ve been a ghost so long I’ve kind of lost touch with “personal boundaries”, but that’s no excuse. No more phone possessing for me. I’m sorry, Esther.
ESTHER: I forgive you. I know I would’ve been pretty frozen with embarrassment in the same place!
SEABROOKE: Thank you for acknowledging your actions, Sofie, was it?
SOFIE: Yeah, let’s go with that. Thanks for calling me out, I needed it. And um, I-I can jump out if you’d both rather privacy.
ESTHER: Actually, I think... it might be better with you here. If you don’t mind, Doctor?
SEABROOKE: If it’s alright with you, Esther. Sofie, seeing as you’ve been here for this whole conversation, why not share your thoughts on what Esther was saying?
SOFIE: Esther... did-did you mean what you said?
ESTHER: Hm?
SOFIE: About wanting to spend your life with me? Even though I’ve been so flighty lately?
ESTHER: Yes! Obviously! I love you, you roomba-possessing idiot.
SOFIE: You know I don’t have a life to spend with you. I’m dead, Esther. I'm dead.
SEABROOKE: Death doesn’t mean the end of your full existence, Sofie. You’re right here. Is that what’s been making you feel so, as you put it, “flighty”?
SOFIE: Yes. Esther, I’m scared that you’ll move on from me, and I’ll never move on. I already saw my last partner continue her life after I died, and I...
ESTHER: Sofie, I’m not leaving you, okay? Nobody knows the future, but I’m here now and willing to stick by you, dead or alive. I love you, stupid.
SOFIE: [sniffs, giggles] Yeah. I love you too, you solid-bodied nerd.
SEABROOKE: Oh, I hate to say anything and ruin this perfect moment. You two are just the sweetest. I swear I can feel your smiles radiating through the phone lines. How are you feeling now?
[Sofie and Esther laugh]
ESTHER: Better.
SOFIE: [distantly] Better here, too!
ESTHER: Oh my gosh, babe! It’s you! You’ve manifested!
SOFIE: [distantly] All the better to be close to you.
ESTHER: [laughs] Hey, hang on, you! Let me finish this call! Thank you, Doctor. I think it’s time for us to actually figure out our future together.
SEABROOKE: Yes, and I’m sure it’s going to be a wonderful future. Now, get off my line! Sounds like you’ve got some shows to marathon.
That was such a lovely call - it’s so nice to see couples communicate, it’s not something I get often on this show!
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That about wraps things up for this week, I’d like to thank Holly, Luna, Esther and Sofie for their calls tonight, and as always thanks to Shannon Forth, our producer. I’m Dr. Olivia Seabrooke, this has been Supernatural Sexuality. I hope you’ve found something in our show tonight, and I hope your relationships find their way. I’ll see you next week.
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ANNOUNCER: Supernatural Sexuality with Doctor Seabrooke was created by Lee Davis-Thalbourne and produced by Passer Vulpes Productions.
Doctor Olivia Seabrooke is voiced by Mama Boho.
Holly was voiced by Morgan Kearley, with the call written by Alison Evans.
Luna was voiced by Arizona Jonson, with the call written by Mary Borsellino.
Esther voiced by Addin Sugarda and Sofie was voiced by Rashika Rao, with the call written by Saf Davidson.
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Up next on the AusEtherial Network, a woman finds herself imperceptible to everyone around her in Unplaced! Find out more about this great show at unplacedpodcast.com!
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